Hi all! Sorry for the extended absence. I haven’t felt like I had anything worth sharing in a while…. but today a friend touched my heart after I got an unbelievable compliment from one of my bosses and I needed to write.
First, my boss… I sent an email out to an admin team on my campus along with a team in the district office this afternoon asking to initiate a pretty big project with kids. Her email response made me cry because it ended with the line of “I wish the world had more yous.”
If you really knew me, you’d know that it made me cry because recently (and for a while), I haven’t felt like the world needed more of me. It’s felt like I am too much and not enough all at once- like I was in a race with everyone else on the globe but the only one dragging a ball and chain. And look, for a while it became like a comfortable (albeit tiny) cave. I was hiding in my own narrative of how I was not comfortable on this plane of existence for whatever bullshit reason I had that day. I was comfortable being silent, and I am rarely ever silent.
My friend (the lovely Elle Jaye – she shot the portrait on this post btw.) is all bout owning her authenticity. I think she might think she’s not- but she is pretty conscious of how she presents herself online. ANYWAY tonight she posted a live video on Facebook and she talked about how even with all the shiny magical unicorn moments in her life, she still has days where she’s massively anxious and irritable and that turns into ugly.
And yeah, I totally get that- I get like that too, and I know I’m not alone in it (and neither are you, if that’s how your nasties surface- I’m right there with you).
Even better, that’s when it clicked. My anxieties had been having far too much fun far too often, and it is time I owned it and worked with them to move past them. I might not be the best person ever, but I’m pretty fucking outstanding. I might even say that at my best… yeah, the world could use more MEs.
This is not a fix-all. That’s not how anxiety or any mental health process works, unfortunately. I just had a moment of clarity and can now commit to working on it. I miss taking an active part in my life, so the work is worth it. This is the first step.
Thanks for reading ❤