Why is this happening?!?!

Oh hey there!

I am currently in a “too caffeinated to sleep, too tired for coherent homework” space. I thought I would write brain fuzz out and see what happens. Sorry in advance if I ramble, I just miss blogging.

If I’m being honest (and I -almost- always am), 2017 has been really rough on me. Specifically, the last five months have seemingly been non-stop crises,  homework, labor, and emotional upkeep. The last three-four weeks have nearly killed me. If you know me, I pride myself on actively taking part in my life- all aspects of it. Things don’t happen to me, instead I make them happen.

Until February, that is. That is when life decided to teach me a thing or two… for example, life has taught me that I sometimes have to just accept conflict. Life has also taught me that no matter how fast we run, the inevitable will happen anyway. I’ve learned that sometimes when all I want is to dig my feet in, that’s when the best thing to do is take a leap of faith…

I could present you with the (long) laundry list of things that have happened in my life that have been out of my control and have strongly impacted my emotional and physical well-being. I could tell you how horrible I’ve allowed myself to feel recently. I might even mention how lost I’ve felt and how much work I’ve had to do to feel something other than existential dread.

I don’t want to though. I’d rather talk about how I figured out that I’m allowed to be angry and proud and loving and lost and sad and whatever else… all at once. I would care to tell you about the new relationships I’ve forged and the old ones I’ve strengthened. I could even mention a lesson I am currently working on… the idea that even though I’m not in control, things STILL aren’t happening to me.

They’re happening for me.

I have been challenged out of my comfort zone in a zillion different ways this year- I am relearning how to love. I am figuring out how to rely on others. I am growing my resilience and wherewithal. None of these things would be possible without the shit show that’s been going on behind the scenes of this gloriously messy life.

I am so intensely thankful for that shit show- it’s taught me a whole lot.

What lessons are you learning right now?


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